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Real Parents, Real Children ; Parenting the Adopted Child: Parenting the Adopted Child

 

 

 

Real Parents, Real Children ; Parenting the Adopted Child: Parenting the Adopted Child
by Holly Van Gulden,

This title, which covers all aspects of adoption, argues that whatever happened, whenever it took place, and for whatever reasons, children in need of adoption have become separated from their birth parents and their genetic roots. Though writing for the adoptive parent, the authors have produced a book that will also be useful for professionals working with adoptive families. One fear among expectant parents is whether they and their child will be close. Adoptive parents ask, "Can I love an adopted child the same as I would a birth child?" Beginning with bonding of child to parent, the authors do a fine job on the developing child, covering early infancy through adolescence. Leading authority Van Gulden offers practical advice for parents on how to talk with their children about adoption and how to help them through the rougher times of growing up adopted. Highly recommended for academic and public libraries with strong reader interest in this area.

 

5 out of 5 stars Very helpful book on many adoption fronts, September 10, 2003

  Reviewer: Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald from USA

Gulden and Bartels-Rabb cover a large number of issues that adoptive parents would greatly benefit knowing about, even if some don't apply to their personal situation, such as adoption of an older child and the consequent issue of bonding and attachment and re-naming the child. Also, the book offers a great bibliography. I could identify with several points brought up. Preplacement and postplacement stress (and joy!) is one issue I can still vividly remember. Also the fact that parenting adopted children is, in fact, different from parenting birth children. In our case, I found this to be especially true during the first year of our daughter's life when nature had not prepared me for the arrival of a child. Our daughter was four days old and loved around the clock. However, I found that the difference between her and our two birth children lasted only as long as the milk flowed. After that, I saw three unique individuals, and as the years went by, the issue of adoption was no more a household word than the issue of biological birth. We spoke lovingly of her birthmother and brought her up at special events, yet our daughter, very easy-going in temperament, never seemed to suffer an identity crisis or later, an interest in searching. When her birthmother appeared 29 years later, she began a cordial relationship with her but claims that the reunion has not made her whole while before she was fragmented. She had merely made a new friend. Perhaps our daughter was like the little eleven-year old boy quoted by Gulden and Bartels-Rabb: "You know all those things you've been saying about my birth parents? Well, I've come to the conclusion that those poor suckers lost a good thing." It would be nice if all adopted kids felt as confident, but that's sadly not true.
Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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