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Consumer Joe: Harassing Corporate America, One Letter at a Time


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
101 Best Cover Letters
by Jay A. Block

From Publishers Weekly
This compendium of oddball customer query and complaint letters should tickle the ribs of anyone who's ever considered writing a letter to protest an inferior product or solve a merchandise mystery (e.g., why are Wendy's hamburgers square?). Hollywood writer Davidson, working under the pseudonym David Paulson, reprints some 100 letters he wrote to American companies, as well their representatives' responses to his rather unusual comments and requests. His letter to the Jamba Juice Corporation suggests new flavors (tuna melt, Thanksgiving Dinner) to supplement their popular healthy shots. "I can't quite understand how people are able to swallow that Wheat Grass stuff you grind up for them," he writes. "It tastes like you fell on your face in a game of soccer and just happened to have your mouth open." After Jamba writes back, expressing appreciation for his creativity and their immediate testing of his "concoctions," he follows up with another letter in which he recommends publicizing their products through an activity on Fear Factor. Other pranks include sending a five dollar bill to a "Sir or Madam" at RadioShack ("I was handed it by an elderly customer...I had believed it was stolen from an open cash register"), for which he receives a thoughtful reply and two "$10.00 'Customer Appreciation Dollars'"; harassing Ben &Jerry's ("We're sorry to hear that you are seeing a psychologist because you haven't heard from us about your flavor suggestion," their letter reads); and asking the Marshmallow Fluff folks if "nuking it in the microwave for 10 minutes and then freezing it" will make a marshmallow ice-cream pop (it won't). Highbrow humor it ain't, but it is certainly, as Davidson himself puts it, "damn good bathroom reading."
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.


Book Description

In the bestselling tradition of The Lazlow Letters and Letters from a Nut, screenwriter Paul Davidson has been firing off humble but humorous letters to Fortune 500 companies to find answers to such hot-button questions like why hasn’t Minute Maid begun to sell an all pulp, juice-free product yet, and whether it’s safe to microwave a bowl of Marshmallow Fluff on high for ten minutes. And the funny thing is . . . consumer-care departments everywhere have been writing back to him, addressing his queries with deadpan seriousness.

Collecting dozens of selections from Davidson’s funniest correspondence, Consumer Joe uncovers why a box of fifty envelopes only contained forty-seven and how colorblind people are supposed to tell whether their Ziploc baggies (“yellow and blue makes green”) are properly sealed, while making numerous product-improvement suggestions along the way (such as adding Tuna Melt flavor to the Jamba Juice product line).

Taking aim at the increasingly advertising-sponsored society, Consumer Joe features utterly absurd but irresistible missives to companies ranging from Barnes & Noble and Fed-Ex to Southwest Airlines and Taco Bell. Full of kvetches we all can relate to, Consumer Joe is poised to become the patron saint of every beleaguered shopper.



From the Back Cover
"I couldn't put it down. Some of the funniest writing since 'Seinfeld'."
-Jerry Stiller

"It's hard to know which are funnier: Paul Davidson's facetious letters to Fortune 500 companies or the corporate stooges' equally clueless replies. Read Consumer Joe yourself and decide."
-Andy Borowitz, humorist for The New Yorker and author of Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison

"Hilarious. Paul Davidson razzes corporate America with the swift sword of Michael Moore, the energy of Richard Simmons, the wit of Seinfeld and the grace of Gilligan. From all-pulp orange juice to plucking his unibrow, this book will have you laughing out loud...at least until you realize just what kind of country we live in. Then of course, you'll want to take it on the plane when you make your exile."
-Gwen Macsai, Author of "Lipshtick", NPR Contributor, Creator of ABC's "What About Joan"


About the Author

When not writing important letters, PAUL DAVIDSON writes for various film and television companies. His past projects have appeared on VH1, USA Networks, ABC, and DreamWorks TV. He lives in Los Angeles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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